


what it means to be in

by greatduwangs



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: F/M, NSFW text, ok but esme is literally just fem dio u cant change my mind, suffer through this, totally didnt give up at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 00:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14272860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatduwangs/pseuds/greatduwangs
Summary: dio x esme is a valid ship





	what it means to be in

In all his 120 years of being alive – well, sort of – Dio had never once considered the possibility of a ‘girlfriend’.  Or any kind of significant other, really.  There had been two to come close, and while he was rather attached to the first one nothing came out of it, and the second one, well, was more of a fling than anything else.  Besides, both of those were men anyway.  That still meant he never thought he would have a girlfriend.  Yet here he was, sitting in the apartment of the city’s sixth most important financial advisor, sipping on a parsley and blood-mixed cocktail, listening to a Russian cover of some 80’s synthpop bop and waiting for his girlfriend to come join him.

 Just as the Russian singer hit the high notes of Take On Me, the extravagant doors to the penthouse bedroom blew open and Esmé Gigi Geniveve Squalor strutted out.  As always she was dressed in positively outlandish fashion that was also _in_. The skin of a vividly fancy diadophis wrapped around her body tightly from her legs to her deck, giving the appearance of a snake wrapping around it victim.  Her snake bitch-skin stiletto heels clacked against the stairs as she walked down, commanding a presence only Dio himself could rival

“Darling,” her voice sung out, echoing throughout all seventy rooms of the apartment, “have you tried the new cocktail I bought us?  It should be in the fridge.”

Dio sipped the glass. “It tastes like the life of my next victim,” he announced dramatically. “And also parsley – why didn’t you just get I, Dio, some _blood_?”

“Parsley is _In_ ,” Esmé answered, as if the answer was obvious.  To her, of course, it was.  Fashion was the most important thing in The World, and being fashionable was her reason for living.  The only reason she ever got a stand in the first place was because it was In. 

The only reason she was working with Dio was because it was In.

The only reason Dio was working with her was because it was In.

It was a mutually beneficial “In” for them.

Esmé sat down, resting her head between Jonathan – er, Dio’s succulent tiddies and his beefy muscular arm.  She scraped her perfectly green manicured nails against his chest, liking the feeling of his shredded abs.

“Well I, Dio, declare that parsley is _Out_ ,” Dio declared, smashing the glass against the table and shattering it into a million pieces. “…And so was that glass.  That was _so_ yesterday evening, Esmé.”

Esmé stared at the glass with her mouth open, very clearly offended.  She quickly shut it and turned to Dio, struggling to smile. “ _Dio_ ,” she growled through clenched teeth, forcing her lips upwards, “I’m the one who decides what is In, remember?  Your _stand_ doesn’t.”

Dio smirked. “I’ve been meaning to ask, my dear,” he leaned into her ear, “are Daddy Dio’s Cummies _In_?”

The term “Daddy Dio’s Cummies” is a phrase which here means god damn these two are filthy as fuck, and I would advise any reader to stop what they’re doing and reflect on what it is that they have chosen to do with their life, just as the author is doing currently. 

“ _Your cummies are always In, Daddy Dio_ ,” Esmé moaned back, positioning herself on top of Dio’s lap and straddling her legs around him.  She licked his cheek as all true JoJo Thots do. 

God they’re so disgustinggg

I cant even keep writin I hate this so much

uh

Lemony bursts into the room with his stand 「D4C」which stands for Dramatic Disastrous Depressed Dad Lemon and yeeted dio and esme to the sun the end

wait also he adopts the baudelaires I love him he’s the best dad

the end

**Author's Note:**

> lemony is my favourite character i love his lemons.


End file.
